reasons why my roommate sean is a douche:

1. he has a huge tv in his room while the rest of us cope with a regular 15'' one in the living room
2. he has xbox AND playstation in his room for himself
3. he sits in his room with the door shut 95% of the time he his here (if he is here at all).
4. he complains about the neighbors (who the rest of us are cool with) being loud, when his dumbass took 8 oclock classes
5. he cooks bacon and saves the fat in little bowls until someone else cleans it up.
6. he flooded the kitchen because he put concentrated dish soap in the dishwasher. Twice.
7. he contributes nothing to any conversation, ever. other than obnoxiously loud laughter at stupid shit that none of us find funny. i.e. five year old SNL skits.
8. he led us on thinking he was going to finally move out and then decided to stay anyway.
9. he walks around in his underwear a little too comfortably.
10. he's a devout christian that actually isn't very nice at all.
11. he plays guitar and sings very badly.
12. he eats other people's food!
13. he has knitting yarn in his room (gay?)

Does anyone ever find the socks that the laundry elves steal?? There has to be a huge pile of mismatching socks somewhere.

In my apartment we have these 2 posters hanging up in the living room. The one i brought is a cool cartoon poster of Amsterdam, and the one Russell, my super religious do gooder roommate brought is one of those motivational posters that just says "Goals" and a picture that makes one think of goals. Whenever I walk into the room i see it like a huge conflict of interest. Its like... Amsterdam?? or goals.... Amsterdam, or goals???

The other day i saw this commercial on tv for a new exercise contraption that you are supposed to hold onto while doing aerobics and stuff. Its a long skinny pole that you hold above your head, and it got me to thinking... is this how dumb America has become? They are selling a plastic exercise stick on tv in hopes that people will send them actual money to have one of these sticks without realizing that sticks are an abundant, naturally occuring, free resource available to everyone with hands. Stupid...

Im going golfing today for the first time since I got some of my own clubs. My friend called me and said the tee time was at 3, and that got me to thinking... doesn't "tee time" sound a little girly? They should change the name of that to something a little more manly, like "launch" or "blast off"...

"Hey Jim, we got a 3 o'clock launch today, dont be late."

Yeah that sounds a lot better...

It would be so tight to be deaf and go to an all deaf University. Think of the parties! Theyd never get broken up because they'd be all quiet and stuff!

How come almost all movies that take place in the future are about the
police or war? (Robocop, Minority Report, I, Robot, Star Wars,
Terminator, The Matrix, etc.) Is that all that Hollywood thinks our
future is going to be? Fighting with robots?

I just watched both of the Xmen movies back to back and it got me to thinking about what superpower I would want. A lot of people say they would want to fly or be invisible, but screw that. I want the power to stop time. If I could stop time for everyone else, but keep it going for me, I could stop time, sleep for a bit, and then start it again when I woke up. I would never lose progress on anything, and to everyone else I would miraculously always have energy without sleeping. I think I would call myself Never-sleeps-but-is-getting-old-hella-quick Man.

I wanted to wake up at 10:30 this morning but instead got out of bed at 2:30. I didn't sleep through my alarm though, I just used the snooze bar for 4 hours. On my alarm the snooze wakes me up every 7 minutes, so I hit the button roughly 34 times before I finally woke up. I kept telling myself that Id only hit it one more time, but since I knew it was summer I couldn't think of a reason why I shouldn't snooze away. It was pretty cool because every time I went back to sleep Id have a new dream that would eventually get interrupted 7 minutes later. After a while I realized that I had something priceless in the alarm clock next to my bed. With the touch of a button I could change my dreams! For 4 hours I found the remote control to my dreams, but I lost it now. Its probably in a couch somewhere...

How come Bic makes ball-point pens... and lighters? Some guy just thought he'd go into business making pens and ignition devices? Maybe because he realized you need a ball point pen to take the little metal safety off one of those lighters? Itd be cool if when you got a lighter you got some free pens with it, or vise versa...

Its funny though when I think of lighters, cuz everyone always loses them. People would just be better off if they made one-time use lighters that went out after a few seconds. Oh wait...

What are girls thinking when they say "I thought of you"? What the hell is that supposed to mean, is that supposed to be like a compliment? I think of a lot of stuff over the course of a day, but that doesn't mean I like it all...

Guy -Hey how have you been?
Girl - Ive been ok, I thought about you yesterday...
Guy - Ummm ok.



I TOTALLY had a dream about fireworks that had audio and video in them it was sick! They had to keep shooting up new ones though, it wasn't very efficient =(.

Its funny how after Italian class, writing an English paper can seem like such an easy task!

I realized something thats really cute when girls do it. This hot ass girl in my Italian class always hisses when she says words with S's in them. So when she's talking to her friend in class all you can hear is "psswssspssssgsss" It sounds like shes got mice in her pocket or something but its really HOT!

Ive been feeling very anti-technology lately. I didnt have AIM for a few days cuz my computer was down and when i got it back I realized how unimportant it is to me... If someone really wants to reach me, they can call...

...Which brings me to the other thing that pisses me off...

Why are so many people cell phone illiterate? When you call someone and they dont answer, leave a fucking message, its called voice mail and its really cool. I also hate it when people don't answer their phone, its like why do I have this thing if nobody ever answers!

How come they can only give you like 15 sticks of gum in a pack, but theres like 100 altoids in a tin? Why dont they just make gum shaped like altoids!

Speaking of stuff that needs to be renamed... Why do they say a doctor is "delivering" a baby? The mother is the one delivering it. They should call it catching the baby or something...

I ran out of socks today so I have been walking around with red soccer socks underneath my pants. I feel like I'm Santa Claus in disguise!

Yanno, they should really call it Death Insurance. Lets be realistic....

They need to make better fireworks. Fireworks started to suck for me when I was like 10. I mean wow they shoot up in the air and blow up. I know, I know, theres all kinds of different colors and they got those ones that crackle at the end. Wow. While that was cool in like 1850, its just not cutting it today. If you relate fireworks evolution to how mass communication has come along, theyre way behind. In the beginning fireworks were WAY more advanced than communication when all they had was smoke signals. I mean fireworks looked a lot cooler, plus they had smoke on top of that. Then like written communication was invented, and fireworks just fell off. Have YOU ever seen fireworks with a word written in it? Then they invented the radio and you could hear people all over, when they werent even there. They havent made a firework (is firework even a word?) that you can see from HELLA far away, or a firework that transmits sounds like the radio. Just imagine, they light it, it goes up, explodes, flash of colored light, and then your favorite Ludacris song comes out, and then a tampon commercial... If the fireworks industry wants to catch back up to the rest of the world, they gotta make a firework that when it explodes, it shows last nights American Idol in full color, and its gotta have internet connection. And it better not crackle at the end...


I think the people that made Febreze are pretty smart. They tricked the whole world into thinking that Febreze was some new product that gets bad smells out of fabric and not just deodorant with a new label. Have YOU ever sprayed Febreze on something and it worked for more than oh lets say a day? Sound like deodorant yet? Pretty soon theyre gonna come out with Febreze for women, and Febreze Sport. I swear, if they ever come out with unscented Febreze im gonna be pissed....

How come you can't delete a screen name on AIM? I know people that have like 10 that they never use. Its gonna suck for people in 10 years to choose a screen name, theyre gonna have to be like Mark73GXYQ32 and shit like that.

Every now and then I get a new AIM buddy. Thats usually a good thing, but for me it turns into a popularity contest. See I am, of course, uber-popular and have reached the maximum capacity of buddies allowed by AIM (200). So when I get a new buddy, I reluctantly have to take someone ghetto off my buddy list. So if you IM me and I dont know who you are anymore, consider yourself ghetto.

How come drug dealers don't learn magic? They could save themselves a lot of trouble by just making the crack disappear when the cops come. Whats that officer? Whats in my top hat? Thats just a fluffy white rabbit... whats in the handkerchief? Oh those are just some doves.... They could even keep themselves warm in the winter by operating out of a store instead of slangin on the corner. Shit, they could even put Drug Store on the front of the store if they wanted.

I got this random phone call about playing IM soccer from somebody. I didn't know who it was and he knew who I was, so it was really weird talking to him cuz i didn't want to ask who it was (because I would sound rude). While awkward, I managed to carry on the conversation for 2:37s! That weird phone call gave me an idea for a new game show similar to MTV's Boiling Point. In my show people get called from a random number by their acquaintances and try to figure out who they are talking to in as fast as they can without asking any questions about the mystery caller's identity, I'm gonna call it "Who The Fuck Is This?". Check for it in the future....

The room my Econ class is in has very narrow rows for people to get by. In fact its impossible if they are trying to get by someone with their foldy-desktop out (WTF are those called anyway?). Anyway I just think it would be a lot easier for everyone if they just put monkey-bars on the ceiling for people to get out of the room, itd be tight.

My roommate has played GTA Vice City for the last 4 hours and hasn't gone to class in weeks, and oh yeah he only has 8 units. New record for loserness!

I keep getting these mystery black grease marks on the knuckle of my right index finger! Its crazy, I cant for the life of me figure out what I'm sticking my finger in....

Isn't it funny how when you hear the sound of the ticket machine printing (from the park narcs giving someone a ticket), everyone gets all pissed and thankful its not their car...

How come drunk people can't swim?

Hell yeah, I just checked the campus calendar of events and my birthday 21st birthday (Dec. 19th) isn't gonna be during finals week again next semester! Thank you calendar!

Sober yourself to life!

10:01 was tight, but im never being DD for another big party again. Screw that.

To recap the day: Valentine's Day sucks, girls suck, Yankees suck, A-Rod sucks... That is all.

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was playing basketball with some friends and some NBA players and then the game ended cuz my team won. Then my dream just like ended! I think that was the first time i can remember that a dream ended before i woke up, and not because I woke up. It was weird cuz i remember being asleep and the dream was over, and I was like, well i guess Ill just wake up now. But it was only 1 AM. So I just went back to sleep. That was weird.

One of the greatest inventions ever is the long-handled spoon. How else would you get the last bit of ice cream out of the carton without using a scoop. Theres nothing worse than vanilla wrists.

When they were designing the keyboard, why did they have to put the period right next to the comma? I cant count how many times I've pressed the wrong one,

My friend Katie is like a game. Its hard to figure her out, shes like Carmen SanDiego, but instead shes Katie Sacramento. Please read the first short story of the game of Katie Sacramento:

Katie was talking to me on AIM and she told me she sent herself a letter from home to her mailbox at school. Instantly my curiosity got the best of me and i began asking her what it might be. First i thought it could be her room key so she doesnt forget to take it back to Sac with her. Then i thought if her roomkey was in her mailbox, then she couldnt open it, so thats no good. Then i thought it could be a shopping list. College kids need to do a lot of shopping after being home for 5 weeks. Then i thought it was a password to something she has to do on the computer... passwords are hard to remember. She kept telling me no, so i had to think harder. "A treasure map!" I asked. People are always forgetting where treasure is, thats why they make maps. Maybe she was afraid pirates would steal it if she took it with her instead of mailing it. I'm still working on what it might be, you can help me out if you wish.

To Be Continued. (Probably Not)

How come it takes 5 minutes to open a cd the first time? Imagine if they wrapped everything like this... Christmas would be a week long.

Why do football analysts try to predict the exact score of an upcoming football game? They know they'll never get it right, and if they do, nobody is gonna care...

One of my new favorite things to do is to go on ebay and fuck with people. Ill go to a really expensive luxury car that has a lot of bids and a lot of time left. Ill bid slightly above the highest bid knowing that i wont win the car, but make the winning bidder pay a bit more for the car he has won... Haha Im an asshole...

This is sooooooo true:

"Guys will watch any television show that involves ranking. Top ten plays, fifty greatest movies, hundred richest men, anything. Hell, one of my favorite shows is "Around the Horn" on ESPN where they argue about arguing about sports. And get ranked at the end." - From "Ruminations" by Aaron Karo

These too...

"Guys will attempt to get anything delivered. I've overhead friends on the phone trying to convince flustered shop owners to deliver beer, liquor, porn, video games and even food orders that totaled less than two dollars...with tax.

-Guys also have no perception of when stores close. If we're hungry, we believe someone out there should be willing to provide food. Ever see a drunk guy banging on the door of a pizza shop at 5:30am? It's pretty sad. Of course, then he just goes home and tries to get it delivered."

I went to the Optometrist and the infamous "puff test". Whats with that anyway? I think its just a long-standing joke optometrists play on everyday people.

Has your mom ever been pissed at you for leaving an empty milk carton in the fridge or an empty box in the cupboard? My mom gets mad at me all the time for that, shes says its inconsiderate. I claim the opposite! How else are you going to remember that theres no more Ritz crackers unless you experience firsthand the empty box? How would you know who ate the last package if you never realized they were gone? Its like my calling card, she knows its me. I leave it there because i care....

Ever notice almost all types of alcohol have short, easy to pronounce names? Beer, Rum, Gin, Ale, Vod-Ka, Brand-y, Whisk-y, Schnapps! I guess a long time ago the advertising people for alcoholic beverages realized that after someone consumed their beverage, they were having a hard time communicating the name of it to their friends, and missing out on free word-of-mouth advertising...

Yay for new years! its funny how so many people celebrate a holiday that is so unmeaningful. Yay a new calendar year!

Nexus (friends from high school that made a band) has a few new songs up on their site. http://www.nexusconnection.com/music.htm