Speaking of stuff that needs to be renamed... Why do they say a doctor is "delivering" a baby? The mother is the one delivering it. They should call it catching the baby or something...

I ran out of socks today so I have been walking around with red soccer socks underneath my pants. I feel like I'm Santa Claus in disguise!

Yanno, they should really call it Death Insurance. Lets be realistic....

They need to make better fireworks. Fireworks started to suck for me when I was like 10. I mean wow they shoot up in the air and blow up. I know, I know, theres all kinds of different colors and they got those ones that crackle at the end. Wow. While that was cool in like 1850, its just not cutting it today. If you relate fireworks evolution to how mass communication has come along, theyre way behind. In the beginning fireworks were WAY more advanced than communication when all they had was smoke signals. I mean fireworks looked a lot cooler, plus they had smoke on top of that. Then like written communication was invented, and fireworks just fell off. Have YOU ever seen fireworks with a word written in it? Then they invented the radio and you could hear people all over, when they werent even there. They havent made a firework (is firework even a word?) that you can see from HELLA far away, or a firework that transmits sounds like the radio. Just imagine, they light it, it goes up, explodes, flash of colored light, and then your favorite Ludacris song comes out, and then a tampon commercial... If the fireworks industry wants to catch back up to the rest of the world, they gotta make a firework that when it explodes, it shows last nights American Idol in full color, and its gotta have internet connection. And it better not crackle at the end...


I think the people that made Febreze are pretty smart. They tricked the whole world into thinking that Febreze was some new product that gets bad smells out of fabric and not just deodorant with a new label. Have YOU ever sprayed Febreze on something and it worked for more than oh lets say a day? Sound like deodorant yet? Pretty soon theyre gonna come out with Febreze for women, and Febreze Sport. I swear, if they ever come out with unscented Febreze im gonna be pissed....

How come you can't delete a screen name on AIM? I know people that have like 10 that they never use. Its gonna suck for people in 10 years to choose a screen name, theyre gonna have to be like Mark73GXYQ32 and shit like that.

Every now and then I get a new AIM buddy. Thats usually a good thing, but for me it turns into a popularity contest. See I am, of course, uber-popular and have reached the maximum capacity of buddies allowed by AIM (200). So when I get a new buddy, I reluctantly have to take someone ghetto off my buddy list. So if you IM me and I dont know who you are anymore, consider yourself ghetto.

How come drug dealers don't learn magic? They could save themselves a lot of trouble by just making the crack disappear when the cops come. Whats that officer? Whats in my top hat? Thats just a fluffy white rabbit... whats in the handkerchief? Oh those are just some doves.... They could even keep themselves warm in the winter by operating out of a store instead of slangin on the corner. Shit, they could even put Drug Store on the front of the store if they wanted.