I just figured out how to prove theres no such thing as aliens. Its really simple. We've all seen on the discovery channel interviews with people saying they were abducted by a fast moving craft and experimented on. But, how the hell did they get back home? If you were an alien and you drove all the way across the galaxy to probe some dude and it turned out you didn't want to keep him, would you just drive him all the way back? Hell no. Even if you did want to return the guy back to Earth, would you really take him back to his home? If it were me, I would just eject him over the first body of water i saw. When we catch frogs or lizards as kids we never put them back exactly where we found them, we just put em down outside wherever. Until there are documented cases of Americans claiming abduction in Zimbabwe, I'm an alien atheist.

Pennies are worthless. Its money, but its not worth picking up on the ground unless you're like 4 years old. They should just divide every monetary amount by 5 one day so that pennies would be worth something again.

Life lesson #9256: Never try to tell someone that you're not an alcoholic while wearing a shirt that reads "Got Drunk?".

Why are we at war with Afghanistan? Why dont we all just stop taking taxis??

Whats with the toaster? Every other kitchen appliance has a legit sound when it ends cooking: The microwave does the beep beep beep, newer ovens do too, but with the toaster all you get is that pop noise when the toast flies out... weird.

Want to know who the best salesman in the world is? The guy who convinced the world we need something we totally don't need? Its the man who invented the big nail clipper, the one that is only useful for cutting big toe toenails. We use that thing like once a month for 5 seconds. Props to you man....

How come at Trader Joe's they are all about saving the environment and stuff and then they give you a paper bag on the way out the door?

So i almost got myself arrested tonight. Happens to everybody once right? Handcuffs really hurt, especially when theyre so tight they dig into your skin.

Are all police stations "downtown" ? What happens if the station is like on the edge of town? where do the police officers say theyre gonna take you??

do people in the southern hemisphere read maps with the South at the top?